Clarity

Last week, in something of a fatigued state of affairs, I walked around all day wearing two pairs of disposable contacts in each eye. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why I couldn't see properly! I only realized my mistake when it was time for bed and I had to remove my contacts to rest my eyes for the night. :-)

Hyper-clarity can thus lead to blurriness. If you're TOO clear about what's going on in life, chances are that you're actually seeing things through two pairs of contacts in each eye. Now, more than ever, I'm beginning to grasp the importance of accepting the unknown. Of "rolling with the ocean," if you will. Honestly, as much as you think you might know what's going on, chances are that there is something that you aren't aware of that will have an impact on your existence.

Sometimes surprises surprise you without warning. I guess that's what makes them so surprising? I'd rather have less than 20/20 on these things than attempt to go through life with the two-contact deal happening... just saying!

Was it Something I Said?

Sometimes I wonder what goes wrong in those pre-relationships that end up leading absolutely nowhere. You know what I mean... you're talking to each other every day, and it seems like you're starting to get to know each other quite well. You're smiling, and feeling encouraged to think in new ways. You realize that you want to see more of each other, and maybe even make some tentative plans to do that. But then...

Notta.

The beginning of the end [of the relationship/friendship/acquaintance-ship that wasn't] can start with a bizarre excuse, or with complete silence... like someone just decided to hang up on you forever. :-S Not to be melodramatic, but in this sort of situation I am left with one main desire, and that is to know the truth. Why the 'no-talkety?' Was it something I said??? How can I improve my shoddy ability to establish relationships in the future if I have no idea what keeps going wrong?

Enlighten moi... if you happen to speak whine-ese.

You never know what's going to happen next. You can have "Plan A" all set and ready to go, and at a moment's notice everything can change. While I'd love to believe that we can each control our own destiny, there is far too much evidence that points to the contrary. This is at once exciting and downright scary. One thing is certain though - the mystery, the "what now?" factor keeps life interesting...

Wow... I haven't bothered to write in this thing for quite awhile, eh? I think it's because - sadly enough - not much has been happening lately. Over the past few months I've slipped into a bit of a routine, and while it's not a bad one... I must confess that it's been less than thrilling.

Today I was thinking about movies, and how life sort of plays out like a film. While I rattled off the answers to obvious questions such as "How do I get to The Maid of the Mist?" and "What IS Niagara's Fury?" I was actually thinking about what genre the movie of my life might fall under. Hmmm... there are some comedic aspects to it, I suppose... there's the odd dash of drama, and lately there's been a good bit of romance... a teensy bit of suspense (read: stress-induced canker sores and uncertainty about the future), and I'd say that it's a smidgen lacking in adventure. Overall, it's not the most interesting flick out there, but it's passible and pleasant enough. The plot is rather annoying - it involves a girl who seems to feel alone no matter what. This girl frequently sabotages friendships and finds it extremely difficult to be close to other people for some [unknown] reason. Perhaps this stems from her tendency to "mull," "stew," and generally over-think things. ;-) Maybe the plot would improve if the girl could find a way to stop dwelling on the past (and present, for that matter!) and to quit thinking of herself as the protagonist?

Everyone is a movie. Every life has a plot... an ever-changing plot. I wonder if somehow everyone on Earth is unwittingly playing a role in an epic masterpiece called "Human Nature." I wonder if all of our stories could somehow link with others'? If you took all of the little films and strung them together, what would you get? What genre are you living?

Last night the Watoto Children's Choir performed here in Stevensville (of all places!) and I counted myself lucky to be a member of a large audience - so large an audience, in fact, that I was seated in the overflow area at the back of Faith Reformed Church, just taking it all in.


For those of you who never have heard of the choir - that is actually gaining renown with the children having performed across the UK, USA and Canada - I'll provide a bit of background information. "Watoto children" are orphans from Uganda that have been freed from lives on the street, sponsored, and allowed to live in a community that has been designed especially for them. Most of their parents have died from AIDS or as a result of civil war. The Watoto organization has built homes for them that house eight children, and have hired adult "mothers" to live with them and to take care of their basic needs. They attend school and church within the community until they are old enough to attend university or other training elsewhere. The choir is made up of a selection of children who are strong and able performers. They travel the world, have new experiences, and meet sponsors along the way who agree to support other children in their community.

Their singing and dancing is absolutely amazing!!!!! There is a central focus on movement, with notable choreography, drumming, and excellent singing. While English is not the children's native language, Uganda was once a British colony and so they are taught English upon entry into school - the combination of languages make their singing a delight. I love these kids, and wish that I could take them all home with me! Overcoming obstacles is their LIFE!

I love to write, and I have kept notebooks and journals full of my thoughts for about as long as I can remember. Sometimes it's actually difficult for me to think without a pen and paper - or a laptop - at hand. This morning I stumbled upon the following entry:

"November 14, 2008

Here are some things that I want out of life:

1. to be completely satisfied in a job in which I'm helping other people every day, and making a difference

2. to find my soulmate

3. to travel the world

4. to write and publish a book

5. to speak fluent French

6. to graduate University

7. to play the piano at a very high level, and possibly with an orchestra or ensemble

8. to wake up happy as often as possible"

I think that it's really interesting to look back on past goals. In two years from the day that I wrote this, I have managed to accomplish numbers 5 (ish!), 6, and 8. I think that goal #1 will be met whenever I am actually hired as a teacher... my experiences student-teaching have convinced me of this. As far as numbers 2, 3, 4 and 7 go... I have a feeling that these might happen hand-in-hand somehow. They could even be in progress, but I wouldn't want to jinx anything by suggesting it outright!

Yesterday, while sunning myself on the back porch once again, I finished reading "Yes We Can," the New York Times' best-selling biography of President Barack Obama. I know that I'm a little late to jump on the "Obama train," but I was absolutely fascinated by his life story. Talk about triumphing over challenges! I cannot imagine the struggle that he faced with his divided racial and cultural identity. It must have been very difficult to grow up the way he did - spending part of his childhood in Hawaii, some in Indonesia... all without the presence of a stable father figure, save his rather "disillusioned-salesman-grandpa." But look where he ended up! He is PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!! To me, this speaks to the power of drive and determination, as well as to the blessing of family - even if the family isn't perfect, or wholly together. I'm so inspired!!!! I'm going to do everything on that list I wrote and more. And I'm going to start right now.

Whenever I feel the need to escape the stresses of everyday life, to let my mind wander and attempt to figure itself out, I head to the nearest park and make a beeline for the swings. There's something extremely calming about flailing through the air, kicking off your flip flops in mid-"flight," and basking in the sun on a late spring day. Sometimes I pretend that I can actually touch the clouds with my toes. If clouds in the sky were to represent my problems, many of them would disappear this way.



As I swing, musical accompaniment runs through my head. Each squeak of rusty chain against worn steel joint acts as a metronome, keeping time to the wind as it rustles through the trees, and filling me with a steady flow of ideas. The sweet songs of the birds overhead are backup vocals to the symphony of my thoughts.



Nothing, and everything is resolved.